


I Like Soup and Sex, Soups Better Tho

by Lil_bit_gross



Category: Jelix - Fandom, Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF), Septiplier - Fandom, Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Bands, Basically dorks having fun, Dakota is a mom, Dan and Felix are memes, Drug Use, Emo and shiz, Ethan is a geek, F/F, F/M, I'm desperate, Implied/Referenced Underage Sex, It gonna get sad, Jacks a sinnamon roll, Jada is done, Jelix - Freeform, M/M, Marks and sasshole at first, Memes, PJ is just there to be funny, Phan - Freeform, Phil is a cinnamon roll, Read it its good tho, Septiplier - Freeform, Smut, Underage Drinking, its lit, kik au, kill me, plz read, why did i do this
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-01-21
Updated: 2017-01-21
Packaged: 2018-09-19 02:29:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 10
Words: 2,252
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9414068
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lil_bit_gross/pseuds/Lil_bit_gross
Summary: Somewhere in the deep dark realms of kik, theres a Dumb shit posting nooby group chat containing a posh fuckboi, a British twink, an American douche, a Latino bitch, a Canadian motherbird, a blue haird geek, an aestheticly pleasing brit, and a Swedish meme. So why not add an Irish cutie?when did this become the kik au that no one asked for?¿





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I'm sorry, but this fandom needs more Kik AUs 
> 
> Jack- mrpotatohead 
> 
> Mark- mooimark
> 
> Dan- number1trash
> 
> Phil- amazingchesseunbrella
> 
> Jada- grossdigdog 
> 
> Felix- PewIwannaDiepie 
> 
> PJ- galaxysecks 
> 
> Ethan- loudbluboi 
> 
> Dakota- ghostpasta

PewIwannaDiepie: guus cqn i add sumonee

Mooimark: no kys

Number1trash: plz dont

Grossdigdog: nO

Amazingchesseunbrella: sure why not :)

Loudbluboi: yESSSS

PewIwannaDiepie added mrpotatohead 

Galaxysecks: savage felix strikes again

PewIwannaDiepie: thsi is me freind from irish his name jack b nicee he kool

Ghostpasta: 'from irish'

Mrpotatohead: Fe why did u even

Ghostpasta: hi fren im Dakota :)

Loudbluboi: im Ethan

Grossdigdog: i think I might be jada idk

Galaxyseck: PJ

Amazingchesseunbrella: im phil and number1trash is dan

Loudbluboi: mARk introduce yo selffff

Mooimark: goodbye 

Mrpotatohead: hey everyone Felix says that we would all be friends :)

Mooimark: well he was wrong

Ghostpasta: dont mind mark he's being a sour puss

Mooimark: not as sour as ur puss

Ghostpasta: ouch

Number1trash: shots fired

Grossdigdog: *air horn sirens*

Mrpotatohead: u guys are cool


	2. Flowers and Pussy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Marks being an ass, phils being adorable, and Felix can't be understood. Yep, that sounds like a nice group chat.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> DO NOT READ IF YOU ARE OFFENED BY TRIGGERED JOKES PLZ IT'S JUST MY HUMOR AND I'M SORRY IF IT'S NOT YOURS

Amazingchesseunbrella: guys my cactus grew a flower, I'm so happy

Number1trash: ur a presious little muffin Phil  

Ghostpasta: congrats on the cactus Phil, what color is the flower hun

Amazingchesseunbrella: purple and yellow :)

Mooimark: no one cares

Mrpotatohead: I care 

Mooimark: yeah, like I said no one

Ghostpasta: stop being a brat Mark

Grossdigdog: he got rejected today guys

Mooimark: DUDE 

Number1trash: really? How? Did ur doucheness run her off

Mooimark: stfu Dan the only Type of pussy u get is Phil 

Number1trash: lol tru thoo

Mrpotatohead: I can feel the love

Loudbluboi: he asked out Amy Nelson and she said no

Mooimark: dont talk to me Ethan, you told me to do it

PewIwannaDiepie: awh poot merk 

Mooimark: Felix typing skills are as bad as Dan's skill are at not sucking a bag of dicks

Number1trash: im triggered 

Ghostpasta: im sorry that Amy doesn't like you back, that must suck :(

Mooimark: im okay, I have you guys, I'm sorry I'm such a sucky douche to you guys I'm just upset 

Amazingchesseunbrella: awww

Mooimark: jk kys

Number1trash: im on it

Mrpotatohead: so like why are you guys friends with him, everybody else is so aw and he is so ew

Mooimark: ur ew tf

Grossdigdog: he's a sweetheart once you get to know him, don't worry he just doesn't like new peeps that much at first

Mrpotatohead: and I guess that im the new peep


	3. Preggo and Sheep

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> God damn it Mark

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I KNOW DAN DOESN'T REALLY LIVE IN BRIGHTON BUT DEAL WITH IT  
> P.S. Sorry if I spelled Brighton wrong, but I'm too lazy to look up how to spell it. You guys are cool, u will understand :)  
> Thanks for all the feedback love u guys :)

Amazingchesseunbrella: Dan likes my cactus's flower

Grossdigdog: and thats actually means?¿

Number1trash: his ass

Amazingchesseunbrella: cactus... it's means cactus 

Mrpotatohead: cute

PewIwannaDiepie: is dam rlly ova dere

Number1trash: ye

Galaxysecks: dont get preggo Phil

Amazingchesseunbrella: u guys are gross why do I even

Mooimark: bc ur a friend slut

Mooimark: where's dakota????

Loudbluboi: y do u you MISS HERR 

Mooimark: no, she would usually be stankin up the place with her niceness and stuff

Ghostpasta: thanks fren

Mrpotatohead: hey guys, I know that Felix is in Brighton, but where does everyone else live

Mooimark: wow good job on being a creepy stalker 

Ghostpasta: well, I'm a stereotypical canadain, Mark, Ethan and jada live in LA, PJ and Dan lives in Brighton with Fe, and Phil lives up in Manchester :)

Mrpotatohead: wow, thanks cool ig 

Mooimark: stfu sheep farmer


	4. Jesus and Foursomes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dan, Phil, PJ, and Felix are having a foursome and Mark Is jealous smh

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's gonna get septiplier-y soon don't worry fam

Galaxysecks: guys didn't Phil say that he would come down here for his birthday????

PewIwannaDiepie: ONG yaeh he ddi

Ghostpasta: yeah be a man of your word and go see them >:(

Amazingchesseunbrella: guys I can't open my water (;´༎ຶД༎ຶ`)

Number1trash: woman of your word******

Galaxysecks: I WOULD OPEN IT OF YOU CAME OVER BB

PewIwannaDiepie: BBY PHILLIIIIIII ❤❤❤ GET OFF YOUR ICE MOUNTAIN AND SEE USSSS

Mooimark: #philtheslutreturns

Grossdigdog: it not being a slut if it's a foursome

Loudbluboi: yes it is

Grossdigdog: but it's not

Amazingchesseunbrella: Dan opened it for me (◕‿◕✿)

PewIwannaDiepie: JESSU HE STLIL UP TGERE 

Mrpotatohead: man don't u just love jessu

Number1trash: I will be on the ice mountain forever if that means to be with the literal fucking sun

Mooimark: gay

Number1trash: u know itttt

Grossdigdog: man the kids today and there jessu

Mrpotatohead: that rlly cute 

PewIwannaDiepie: whem sre they noy cute tgo 

Number1trash: we will stop being cute when fe's typing skills get better

Mrpotatohead: r they together???????

Mooimark: i fucking wish


	5. Nice Mark and Sad Jack

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Of course shit happens when Dan leaves...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'M TRYING TO GET DRAMA TO DO THE HAPPENING IS IT WORKING?!?!?!

Amazingchesseunbrella: i miss Dan you guys, he left me 

Number1trash: u miss my dick

Grossdigdog: 0 to 100 real quick

PewIwannaDiepie: GYUS I'M SCARD JACK WON'T ASNWER ME NAD YRSTERDAY HE WSS BEING ALL SDA AND STUF AND I DOTN NOW WUT 2 DO

Ghostpasta: rlly? When was the last time you talked to him? What happened?

PewIwannaDiepie: WE WREE ON SKYPE AT 7 YSTRDY ANS HE SAID NOT 2 TALK 2 HIMM 

Number1trash: see Mark this is wut happens when ur a dick to people

Mooimark: stfu I didn't do shit

Grossdigdog: u called him a nobody and u don't even know him smh

Mrpotatohead: im okay, everything is fine, Felix, I'm sorry I didn't answer, I just been dealing with alot, I don't know, I'm sorry

Loudbluboi: u know u can talk to us right?

Ghostpasta: and if you don't feel comfortable saying around Mark or someone you can always dm me, I'm your friend, I'm here for you 

Mooimark: ...

Mrpotatohead: can you guys please stop blaming Mark, he had nothing to do with it, I'm sorry I'm making them be mad at you, I didn't mean to, I shouldn't have even bothered you guys group chat any ways I'm sorry...

Mrpotatohead has left the chat

Mooimark has added mrpotatohead to the chat 

Mooimark: hey, look, it's okay, they're always mad at me anyways, if anything I deserve it for being rude, it's not ur fault that we're worried, don't be sorry.

Mrpotatohead is typing 

... *backspace backspace backspace*

Mrpotatohead: thank you for that


	6. Dirty Dan and Pinhead Mark

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mark is being a real.... nice person wow

Mooimark: hey everybody

Grossdigdog: i think Mark has been kidnapped and someone has his phone

Ghostpasta: man when was the last time you said hay first????

Loudbluboi: wowza

PewIwannaDiepie: MY CHIKD IS GRPWING 

Mooimark: fuck off

Mooimark: where's jack???

Loudbluboi: aWWW

Grossdigdog: since when do you care

Mooimark: yesterday...

Mrpotatohead: hai

Mooimark: HEYY

Mrpotatohead: awh I wish I knew what you guys looked like, I can't put ur face in text

Ghostpasta: OMG He's evolving 

Galaxysecks: everybody's ugly but Phil 

Grossdigdog: he's not gonna know if he should be flattered or stick up for everyone 

Mooimark: send

Mooimark: us

Mooimark: a 

Mooimark: selfie

Mrpotatohead: ummmmmm do I have 2 :(

Mooimark: if you want to see us then yeah

PewIwannaDiepie: he rlly cewt u gyus 

Mrpotatohead: {picture attached}

Ghostpasta: awh my child is adorablee 

Mrpotatohead: nooooo I'm nooooot I'm manly as hellll

PewIwannaDiepie: lol ur funyn

Loudbluboi: OMG HE'S GOT COLORED HAIR LIKE ME AND MARKKK

Mrpotatohead: rlly? Cool! Wht colors urs and marks??

Loudbluboi: mine is oh so obviously blu and mark is a big red daddy

Grossdigdog: speaking of daddy, someone plz tell me that I'm not the only one that noticed Dan and phils absence right????

Ghostpasta: THANK GOD I'M NOT THE ONLY ONE, I'LL PM THEM

Mrpotatohead: u know wht, I'm not gonna ask how that has anything to do with daddy

Ghostpasta: thanks God, plz dont

Grossdigdog: PJ tell him the story

Mrpotatohead: plz dont

Grossdigdog: plz do

Galaxysecks: Well, once apon a time, back in the early days in this chat room, back before Dan and phil met in person, Phil once typed danny but it autocorrected it as daddy, so 'OMG DANNY PLZ COME SEE ME' it came out as 'OMG DADDY PLZ COME SEE ME', so now we constantly torture Phil about it, the end.

Mrpotatohead: o h 

PewIwannaDiepie: ot waz hott

Loudbluboi: WAIT WHERE'S MARK

Ghostpasta: yeah :( he was being nice today, wht happened someone pm him plz

Ghostpasta: sorry jackie, u get to see our ugly faces another time gtg 

Mrpotatohead: bye :) sorry I'm too ugly for Mark to respond :(

Grossdigdog: OH SHITTT WADDAP

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IM.SORRY.FOR.THE.OLD.MEMES.


	7. Saying bye is harder when it's your fault

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> God damn it dan

Galaxysecks: Dan's got a gf guys

Amazingchesseunbrella: Oh

Grossdigdog: Phil got friend zoned lol poor BB

Ghostpasta: u did??? How??? What's her name

Number1trash: Cat... 

Amazingchesseunbrella: are you fucking kidding me right now, Dan?

Loudbluboi: ummmmmm wow ok ig phils mad

Mooimark: oops sorry Phil ur not good enough 

Number1trash: tf ur problem 

Amazingchesseunbrella: the girl that tried to talk to me and talked about me to pj???

Galaxysecks: ye that's the one, I can't stand her tbh

Number1trash: its not my fault she kept on asking me out and I said yes because I thought she would shut up about it but now she's being really clingy and I don't want to dump her like this im sorry

PewIwannaDiepie: snakeeee

PewIwannaDiepie: #dansasnake

Mooimark: #danisamanwhore

Grossdigdog: ur one to talk Mark

Mooimark: i mean where's the lie?

PewIwannaDiepie: Phli iz my bayb boyy now

Mrpotatohead: smh drama drama drama

Galaxysecks: Oh shittttttttrrrrrrrrrtttttt

Loudbluboi: wht happened now????

Ghostpasta: can't everyone calm down my Canadian ears can't take this drama :(

Amazingchesseunbrella has left the chat 

Galaxysecks: woop there it is

Number1trash: WTF JUST HAPPENED????

Galaxysecks: Phil pmed me asking wht actually happened today and I told him silly

Number1trash: U TO LD HIN?!

Mooimark: wht happened 2day fam

Galaxysecks: Dan fucked upppp baddd

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry I haven't posted in a while u guys :'(


	8. Homos and roast beef

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I swear I'm a nice person, I no offence to Cat irl I love her ❤❤

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Be prepared to get offended :(

Ghostpasta: i miss Phil

Mooimark: without him this group chat is just a bunch of ugly homos 

Loudbluboi: hey that's ugly hetero to u

Grossdigdog: says the person who eats dick on the low

Loudbluboi: im a pure Christian Church boy I would NEVER

Grossdigdog: lol church boi

Galaxysecks: Dan didn't come to school today

PewIwannaDiepie: it waz nicr w/o hihm thoo

Mrpotatohead: im sorry confused right now

Number1trash: I am too.....

Mooimark: that's really funny like cuz ur the 1 that caused it sooo

Grossdigdog: Mark u sasshole 

Galaxysecks: I dmed Phil

Galaxysecks: he said he will come back when Danni boi breaks up with the roast beef sandwich 

Mrpotatohead: im 

Ghostpasta: roast beef????

Loudbluboi: i eat roast beef at Arby's everyday

Grossdigdog: gay

Mooimark: u never bring me any :(

Grossdigdog: sux2buxoxo

Ghostpasta: r we just gonna ignore the fact that Peej just called cat roast beef ??

Number1trash: its a long story

Mrpotatohead: Oh dear God wtf 

Galaxysecks: CATS VAG LOOKS LIKE A ROAST BEEF SANDWICH BTW U GUYS

Ghostpasta: OMG u guys are so mean

Galaxysecks: she a bitch to me and Fe sooo

Mooimark: these tears are reall

Grossdigdog: how do u know???

PewIwannaDiepie: shr show ery1 her nutes

Mrpotatohead: s e n d  n u t e s

Loudbluboi: does Dan know lol

Galaxysecks: HE CAME UP WITH THE SANDWICH JOKE

Number1trash: i swear she has a sweet personality 

Mooimark: if she tqlked shit about phil then, uh honey, i doubt it 

Mrpotatohead: DAAAAAMN

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If u didn't kniw, Arby's is just a restaurant that serves mainly beef and stuff ;)


	9. Scandalous Branding

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Everything cool now :)

Amazingchesseunbrella has entered the chat

Galaxysecks: Dan broke up with his gf

Ghostpasta: THANK GOD IS EVERY1 FRENS AGAIN?

Amazingchesseunbrella: i think, i talked to dan for a long time last night and he said he was sorry and stuff

Number1trash: yey

Mooimark: anywaysss

Mooimark: WHT REALLY HAPPENED WHEN THEY GOT TOGETHER????

Galaxysecks: Well

Galaxysecks: appearently cat and Dan were drunk and did the do and then cat got attached and thought they were a couple soooo yeah

Loudbluboi: woooooooooooooow

Grossdigdog: XXX

Mrpotatohead: spicy 

Mooimark: like always

Number1trash: what really matters is that it's over and done with 

Loudbluboi: Dan likes Arby's 

Number1trash: i h8 u guys

Grossdigdog: Ethan, Mark put a roast beef sandwich in ur locker in 2nd period btw

Mooimark: GOD DAMN IT JADA

Loudbluboi: i ate it anyways sooo 

Galaxysecks: Wow ur still at school this time difference got me fucked up

Grossdigdog: its like 12 pm here

Amazingchesseunbrella: im eating dinner that's crazy

Ghostpasta: its 1 pm in Calgary im eating lunch rn

Mooimark: canadainianian 

Grossdigdog: moose

Loudbluboi: aye

Ghostpasta: this is bullying 

Amazingchesseunbrella: on the phone with bully blocker rn smh

Mrpotatohead: scandalous 

Mooimark: irish

Grossdigdog: Asian 

Loudbluboi: mexican

Grossdigdog: iM LaTINo u wHoRE

Mrpotatohead: wtf is happening

PewIwannaDiepie: bramding 

Number1trash: ikea 

Galaxysecks: crumpet

Amazingchesseunbrella: sTOP

Mooimark: ...

Loudbluboi: ...

Grossdigdog: ...

Number1trash: northern cutie

Galaxysecks: oops

Mrpotatohead: scandalous

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If u didnt get it they were making fun of they person above them


	10. Hell in the Morning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mark makes breakfast puns at 4 am and phil hates autocorrect

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THANK YOU GUYS SO MUCH FOR THE COMMENTS I LOVE TO READ THEM <3

Loudbluboi: wHUt iS uP MY cREw

Grossdigdog: yo waddap ur up early

Mooimark: gang gang

Grossdigdog: its 5 am i cant take ur shit right now 

Ghostpasta: sTOP THI S NONSENSE 

PewIwannaDiepie: imm daed

Galaxyseck: hi welcome to hell, how may i help you?

Mooimark: can i get some lucky charms thank you

Mooimark: OOH OOH NO maybe some apple jacks

Mooimark: NO NO FLAPJACKS

Grossdigdog: Marks enjoying these puns way too much

Loudbluboi: sHHH

Mrpotatohead: I've been summoned 

Number1trash: can I get a Philly cheese steak plz and thnks

Amazingchesseunbrella: dont call me Philly

Number1trash: dont call me danny

Amazingchesseunbrella: whatever you say daddy

Amazingchesseunbrella: WAIT NO NOT AGAIN *****DANNY

Loudbluboi: wOAH WOAH WOAH

Mooimark: JADA LITERALLY JUS T LAUGHED IN THE MIDDLE OF HOMEROOM  IM DEA D

Loudbluboi: I HEARD THAT ACROSS THE HALL OH LORD

Number1trash: im

Ghostpasta: oh sweet jeezs

PewIwannaDiepie: PJ JIST THOW HIA PHONEE AT THE WAL HE WAS LAUGHINH SO H A RD  
   
Galaxysecks: MS. JACKSON JUST KIND OF LOOKED AT ME AND LOOKED AWAY IM

Amazingchesseunbrella: u guys are bullys

Number1trash: poor Phil smh

Mooimark: man does everyone have a fuck buddy nowadays?????

Loudbluboi: im here 4 u ;););););)

Mooimark: i don't want u and ur Arby's eating ass

Loudbluboi: jada comes with me to Arby's at lunch :(

Mrpotatohead: I want Arby's :\

Mooimark: i would get u Arby's : )

Mrpotatohead: wht a gentleman

Mooimark: ;)

Mrpotatohead: :(

Galaxysecks: #Jarkaway 

Mooimark: nah that sounds like a form of masterbation 

Galaxysecks: #Potatoimoo

Amazingchesseunbrella: that sounds nice

Number1trash: y is our so boring and they get a cool name

PewIwannaDiepie: Phan iz nat boriing 

Mooimark: haha u lose 

Number1trash: u can just go jark it then

Amazingchesseunbrella: nO

Ghostpasta: this needs to stop

Mooimark: its only just begun ;););) #PotatoimooAway

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THANKS FOR READING! LEAVE A COMMENT IF YOU LIKED IT <33


End file.
